ATWA: Ep 1, Do It Scared

(As seen on Medium)

Hello strangers, supportive friends, and whoever be watching on the sidelines, and welcome to the first episode of my blog-pod-show, A Talk with Amber. Now, you may be asking yourself, “What the hell is a blog-pod-show?” Great question. Aside from the amalgamation of the words and their respective mediums (ha), I have no clue. I’m making this shit up as I go. A Talk with Amber (ATWA) has been stewing in my mind for years, and while the concept of a blog-pod-show is a new, and strange, and daunting endeavor, who am I to deny myself the opportunity to be a pioneer? crickets Exactly! So, I think it’s important that I try this out (and possibly fail) publicly before I let yet another year pass me by where I am bitching and moaning about how I shoulda, coulda, woulda did something with my art. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way —

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Hoe, is you scared to be vulnerable? To be seen? To be known? To relinquish some control in the pursuit of connection and authenticity? To be bad at the things you love? Good. ’Cause so am I. I’m literally uncomfortable as I sit and write this, worried about what you, dear reader, may think of me and my writing style. And that’s okay. Your opinions are your own, and so are mine. And I think I’m pretty cool for doing this. No, it’s nothing groundbreaking, yet, but it feels like a leap of faith and I think it’s important to celebrate the risks you take no matter the size. And so should you. But, as this post is so aptly titled, I (you, we) got to Do It Scared. That’s all that’s really required of us: to put what’s ever in us out into the world. Yes, it’s easier said than done, but at what point are we going to stop saying shit and just do it?

We’re not meant to know how everything will turn out anyway— Aht! Aht! Don’t you dare leave, you perfectionist! I’m one of you! — but it‘s still difficult to accept this. Quick question though, what has waiting for the “perfect” moment gotten you? Mhm, that’s what I thought. And come to think of it, you (me, we) probably wait for the right time to do a lot of things in life…

Did you know that you don’t have to earn the life you already have?

So, quit weight watching and put on that fit you keep saving on your Pinterest board; stop stalking Gordon Ramsey and pull up a recipe that requires a garnish; and visit that city that’s only one, two trains rides away and go see some shit you like on your mutuals IG. Sure, certain things take more than a little bit of elbow grease and work to reach specific milestones, but what about the time spent in between the accomplishments? What you doing to get to where you want and need to be?

Our worth is inherent, but our passions are null and void unless we pursue them. It’s like…it’s like having this beautiful ass car, right? But you ain’t got a license, and you keep talking about how much you want to drive it, and how you’re going to decorate it. Did you sign up for drivers-ed? Do you even know where your local motor vehicle department is located? With that being said, that thing, it’s gnawing at you for a reason. Imagine how many things we love and cherish would cease to exist if the people who created them allowed their doubt, hesitancy, and discomfort to outweigh their commitment to it. I spent so much time thinking about this blog when all I had to do was start it. And shit, I might look back a year or two from now and go, “Well, that sucked,” but I wouldn’t be able to critique it and learn from it if I hadn’t put it out there in the first place.

Whatever you’re sitting on — that script, book, song, painting, etc. — put it out. You can’t even begin to imagine who may be inspired by what you come up with. Do you think the first person who posted themselves eating a seafood boil would have thought a content creator named PaperEats would do the same thing, but with CONSTRUCTION PAPER? No!

Your ducks will never all be in a row — one of those bitches is hard-headed and likes to defy authority.

Something will always come up, or worse, the conditions to show up for yourself will be perfect and you will still turn inward and create reasons to avoid the thing you can’t stop thinking or dreaming about. So, I’ll say it: Let it be ugly. Let it be cringe. Let it be ass. Until it’s not. No, we don’t all strike gold our first time around, but you’ve got to let it be so you know what you’re capable of and where to go from there.

Aight. That’s all the motivation I got for today. Oh! And for context, I put this off until close to midnight because I was going to make an excuse not post it, but look at me leading by example. As the great philosopher SZA once said, “No more hiding.”

Bye!

-AxA

Music Moment: No More Hiding by SZA